Remember me
by x-iAmCannibal
Summary: Slightly AU, I guess. I don't want to give too much away, here. Apart from it'll eventually be Carchelle, so if you don't like the pairing then you might not enjoy the read.
1. Chapter 1

Lights, everywhere. Flashing lights and loud music. The lights make her feel uneasy, on edge and there's a small part of her mind trying to tell her why. But she is not ready to revisit that part of her life, and maybe she never will be. The only way she can survive is by not remembering. But the room is hazy, heavy with people and it's like smoke and her damaged mind tricks her into thinking that she can smell burning. A flash of red, followed by a flash of blue and a flash of green. It's the first two colours that scare her the most, they fell as though they're some sort of warning.

Uneasily, she makes her way through the haze, her senses loose due to the amount of alcohol she has already consumed. Linked arm in arm with her friend, they stood up at the front of the dance floor and looked up at the stage, awaiting some touring band, who were supposed to be worth checking out. It was crowded and the feeling of being so closed in set her on edge once more, for some unknown reason.

Having been so submersed in her own thoughts, she jumped slightly when she heard the first notes of a song she didn't know. The voice a soft, female vocal, that rocked her. She didn't know the song as she didn't know the singer, yet goose bumps had formed over her skin, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand. A heavy sadness suddenly set in her heart, causing her chest to constrict and her eyes to fill with tears. Transfixed on the beautiful voice, with a face just as flawless, she didn't feel the firm tugging on her arm.

"Carla. Come on, we need to go." Her friend hissed, urgency evident in her voice.

"Why...?" Carla answered, her eyes misting over from the intense focus she had on the woman centre stage.

"We need to go. We _have _to go, now!"

Irritated, Carla shrugged her off, gasping slightly as the deep, hazel eyes onstage suddenly met hers. For a moment, she couldn't breathe, and wondered if her heart and stopped altogether. Though it soon started hammering dramatically against her chest, the reason once more unknown. And Carla saw something in her eyes, too. It was as though they mirrored the sadness in her chest, the overwhelming heartache she was feeling. Carla was sure she heard the singers voice waver, though it seemed to go unnoticed by the satisfied audience. Holding her gaze, Carla wasn't aware of the crowd anymore, or of anyone else in the room, besides her and this mysterious singer and her mesmerising voice, who made her want to burst into tears of anguish. She allowed just one to fall, a lone droplet of salty liquid, sliding down her sculptured cheek.

"Carla, please! Let's just g o for another drink, at least!" Finally, Carla gave into her friends plea, and reluctantly followed him to the bar. Though she could no longer see the singer, her ears aided her eyes. She could still hear her enchanting voice.

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"It was her! I saw! She was standing right infront of me...I think she knew it was me."

"Are you sure? I mean, if it was her, wouldn't she have given you some sort of explanation?"

"Maybe she just didn't know what to say? After the accident...She just...Took off..."

"Oh, of course she did. Anything for the easiest, Michelle. Anything to avoid having to face the fact she was bladdered when she'd got behind the wheel of that car." Maria's voice sounded irritated.

"Maybe she just needed time to-"

"It's been a year, Michelle!" Maria shook her head in exasperation, trying to make Michelle see some sort of sense. "If she'd had wanted to keep in touch, then she would have. She saw you and she bolted, because she's a coward. I'm sorry, but you can't keep pining for her like you have been doing, 'Chelle. You just need to see her for the selfish cow that she is. She had you worried sick. She never even stopped by to let you know she was leaving, let alone that she'd woken up as right as rain."

Michelle's eyes flashed dangerously, furious at her youngest sister-in-law for giving up on Carla so easily. The accident has been tough on them all and she could still remember it like it was a day ago, whereas it was almost two years ago. The phonecall, telling her that Carla had been in a serious accident and that she needed to get up straight away. Michelle remembers how scared she'd felt. How her heart had been in her mouth as she burst through the hospital doors, all that filled her head being bad memories. She remembered thinking, 'First Dean, then Paul, then Liam...Not Carla, too...Not our Carla. Please..' The injuries she had suffered were serious, and at one point Michelle wondered if she'd pull through at all. One time she'd squeezed her hand, and Carla had squeezed back. Her weary eyes had opened, though she'd looked at Michelle as though she had no idea who she were. It wasn't just the injuries that had scared Michelle. It was when the Doctor had taken her aside to tell her that during examination, Carla had signs that looked as though she'd suffered some sort of attack. Michelle hadn't told Maria this. She believed that it wasn't her place, and that once Carla had recovered, they'd know more about it.

"She did text me. She sent me texts saying she was sorry, that she just needed space."

"She ran away." Maria concluded, getting up from the plush leather sofa they had been sat on. They were backstage, Michelle having finished her performances for the night. She'd taken up touring with the band when new owners had turned up with papers to prove that Carla had sold them her share, and Maria had come along to her closing show for support. Michelle had never come to accept the fact that Carla may not want to return to Weatherfield again.

"Wait for me! I want to see if she's still out there..." Michelle mumbled, pulling a black, leather jacket over her bare shoulders. Together, they left the building, Michelle scanning the gaggle of people leaving the closing venue, desperately trying to seek out the familiar face she longed to see once again.

"She's there, look! She's there! Carla!" Michelle tottered over to her long haired friend as fast as the ridiculous stiletto's she had on would let her.

Frowning, Carla whipped round, her main of dark hair swishing to one side as she turned to face Michelle, confusion laced in with her striking features. Her expression seemed to turn to one of fear as Michelle flung herself into her arms, letting out a strangled sob as she inhaled the scent of the only person she'd considered to be her best friend, the person who she'd woken up calling out to during the endless array of nightmares, which used to invade her brain in the early stages of Carla's disappearing act.

"Get off me!" Carla shrieked, clinging onto her male friend desperately as she tried to shake off the singer who she was now convinced was crazy. Though, as much as she was scared, she had the same feeling as when she had been watching her sing. Her heart screamed at her desperately to wrap the younger woman up in her arms. Carla quickly tried to shake the feeling away.

"How the hell do you know my name?"

"What are you on about? Carla, it's me! Frank..?" Michelle had recognised the man she was clinging onto, and looked at him desperately, in need of some very important answers.

"Here," Frank's voice was soft as he handed Carla a set of car keys, pressing them into her palm. "Go and wait in the car, I'll sort this out."

Not needing to be told twice, Carla scuttled off, throwing occasional glances in Michelle's direction, as though worried about receiving another random display of affection from this stranger.

"Michelle..." Frank started, letting out a gentle sigh. His face was a mixture of calm and sympathy, contrasting to the intense panic that bubbled inside him. This had to be good and it had to be convincing. "Michelle, that accident...That attack." He even winced at the word. He was so good. "When she woke up properly, her memory had gone. It took me ages to even convince her we were going out together. This is going to sound crazy, but forgetting everything is her mind's way of coping with everything she went through. I don't know the extent of the damage, myself, but I won't encourage her to talk about them. She's a shell of herself, and if she remembers then I'm worried about what it'll do to her mental state."

"Then let me tell her who I am! Let me make her remember who I am and I can help her too."

"Michelle, no. It's not that simple. When she set off in her car, that night. She was coming to see you. If she remembers you...there's a chance it might trigger everything off. Do you really want to risk that? You could be the one who'd make her fall to pieces."

Michelle scoffed, unable to believe he was actually making it sound as though she was to blame .

"Yeah, and then I'll stick her back together again. She's my best friend. What're you saying, Frank? That I leave her alone? Pretend she never existed? She must remember me! She sent me those texts."

"I sent them, Michelle. I didn't want you worrying. I didn't want you to come and find her."

The sound of the slap Michelle brought across Frank's cheek was crisp and clear in the cold, night air, and Frank himself reeled, slightly.

"I know you're upset, Michelle, but please, just listen to me-"

"No, _you_ listen to _me_." Michelle growled, staring Frank directly in the eye. "She is part of what little family I have left and if you think I'm going to let her go-"

"That's what you've got to do, Michelle!" Frank snapped, the panic on the inside making him irritated that this wasn't as quick and painless as he'd previously thought out. "You've got to let her go. You can't know her. You've got to understand that she's left that life behind, now. She's happy. For the first time in months. But knowing you will make her remember. If you want her to stay happy, then you'll stay away."

His words stung Michelle more than the slap she'd delivered to him ever could. Her mouth hung open slightly as she struggled to find the words to express how wrong he was. He'd known her all of five minutes. Her and Carla went back almost twenty years.

"Frank, wait!" Michelle cried, trying her best to keep up with his furious strides, making his way towards the car he'd instructed Carla to wait in. "Just wait, please, don't go yet! Can't we just discuss this properly?"

"There's nothing to discuss." Came Frank's short reply, and without a backward glance, he slipped into the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition to start the car.

"There's everything to discuss!" Michelle called after him, stumbling slightly on the uneven pavement as she reached the car, just as Frank was clicking his belt into place. "Don't go, please! Let me talk to her, just tell her who I am!" Michelle pleaded, hot tears streaming down her face, her palms desperately hitting against the car window.

Ignoring her heart broken pleas, Frank pressed his foot down on the accelerating peddle, almost sending Michelle toppling to the ground, though Maria had managed to catch up with her, and caught her waist to stop her from falling.

"Frank!" Michelle's scream pierced the night as he watched the black vehicle disappear down the road, snatching away the last hope Michelle had of ever being reunited with her friend.

Collapsing to the floor, Michelle was inconsolable as Maria tried to reassure her, though her torrent sobbing completely drowned her consoling out.

"Did you see her face? She was so..lost...Confused...She didn't know me...She didn't know me!" She chocked, gasping for breath as she tried to control each of the heart-wrenching sobs that forced themselves from her throat.

"I did...There's something not right, there 'Chelle...I didn't like his manner." Maria murmured, digging around in her bag, pulling out her mobile phone.

"What're you doing?" Michelle sniffled, wiping under her eyes as she tried to get a hold of herself. There was no way would lose Carla again. There had to be something she could do, and she wouldn't find that something if she sat about crying.

"I'm going to phone the police..."


	2. Chapter 2

"So, tell me again why you've come to the conclusion that Mrs Connor is in danger?"

"I've told you a million times, now!" Michelle cried, clutching harder at the now cold mug of tea in her hands. "That bloke she's with, he's not right. I've told you about the attack, the accident, her memory..."

The officer she was talking to glanced up, his face twisted into a sympathetic yet sceptical smile.

"Miss Connor, I know it can't be easy for you. I understand that in effect, you've lost a family member, but there's not a lot we can do at the moment. There's no evidence to suggest that Mr Foster imposes a threat to Mrs Connor. Now, we can try and contact them for you, to make sure she's safe, but we won't be able to disclose her whereabouts."

Defeated, Michelle gave a small nod, thanking the officer, before standing to see him out. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Trying to remain positive was such a challenge when she felt as though she was completely on her own, hitting dead ends at every corner she tried to turn. Carla could be anywhere.

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"But, why did she hug me? How did she know who I was?"

"Will you just drop it, Carla!?" Frank snapped, slamming his coffee mug down on the table, in the large apartment they shared a little away from Cheshire. "That's all you've been going on about all fucking morning!"

Carla shrank back, slightly and although Frank had never raised his hand to her, she got this uneasy feeling, like she wouldn't put it past him. If she didn't feel as though she owed him so much, she might have ended their relationship. He doted on her, but sometimes it was though he tried to control her and when she got out of hand, he'd snap. That, and the fact that she depended on him. Everything she knew about herself she'd got from him. She'd sold a factory, she'd been with Frank, they had planned to move away together, settle down together. He'd shown them photo's of a trip they'd taken, to Rome and a select few of her own photo's. Ones of herself and her brother, and a couple of her and a man he'd said was named 'Paul'. Apparently, he'd been her only husband. He'd kept the rest from her, not wanting anything to trigger off any memories that could land him into trouble or risk him losing her. Try as she might, Carla still couldn't remember much about her life, apart from a couple of childhood memories. It terrified her to think that half of her life was missing, wasted.

"What are you thinking about?" Frank asked, interrupting her train of thoughts.

"Nothing...I think I'll head to the shop, before work. Do you want anything?"

Shaking his head, Frank straightened his tie and stood up. "No, thanks, I've got to get to the bank. I'll see you in a bit, sweetheart." He pressed a swift kiss to her lips, before picking up his keys and leaving the apartment. As soon as the door had closed, Carla jumped up and started rifling through one of the kitchen drawers, plucking a small card from underneath piles of letters. 'Carla Connor- Underworld', accompanied by a number that had long since been disconnected. She made her way through to the living room, plucking the laptop from the coffee table.

Not five minutes later, she was out of the door herself, clutching a piece of paper. Her hands were shaking slightly as she pulled out of the drive in her own car, on her way to a little place called Weatherfield. Ever since the encounter with the singer, she had a growing feeling that Frank was keeping something from her. She had felt such a connection when the woman had been up onstage. When her hazel eyes had met her green ones, it seemed as though they'd seen right into her soul. She remembers the sadness she had felt, how it was mirrored in her singers eyes. As though they were sharing some sort of intense grief. It had been such a familiar feeling. She needed to find out exactly what the connection was. Maybe she'd finally be provided with some of the vital answers she'd been yearning for.

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Stepping into the pub on the corner, Carla wandered into a little pub on the corner, feeling that she needed a drink before she could face going into the factory.

"Large glass of red, please." Carla ordered, giving a polite nod at the blonde woman behind the bar.

"Well, I never! I thought you'd disappeared without a trace!" Stella exclaimed, placing her hand over her mouth in shock.

Carla's expression remained blank. Was she having a laugh?

"A bit rude..." Stella frowned, pursing her lips at Carla's seemingly careless manner.

"Carla! Oh my God! I had to idea you were coming back! How have you been? It's so good to see you again." Sean gushed, his face alight with excitement as he returned from the back, with a box of crisps in his hands. "I tell you, that factory's gone downhill since you took off. Please tell me you've come to rescue it?"

Carla's face was laced with confusion and she took a small step back, unable to stop her eyes from filling with tears.

"Carla, are you alright? You look a bit peaky. Why won't you sit down and I'll bring your drink to you?"

Shaking her head once more, Carla backed up a little more, stumbling slightly. She felt like the walls were closing in on her. Who were these people? How did they know her? Without stopping to think, she turned and bolted, throwing the door open with enough force to almost take it off its hinges, letting out a pent up sob as she toppled onto the cobbles.

"Carla!"

She glanced up, her eyes widening in shock as she recognised the shiny haired woman standing in front of her, having just been walking up to the pub herself. She took one look at her shocked and somewhat familiar eyes and burst into tears, collapsing against the wall and sliding down until she hit the cold cobbles.

"Who am I? Who am I!?" She sobbed, clutching her hands tangling in her dark mane in despair. "Please...Help me?" She whispered, her eyes desperate as she searched Michelle's, trying to figure out the clue they seemed to hold.

Slowly, Michelle knelt down next to her, placing a gentle hand on her knee. "It's okay...It's alright, Carla. I'm going to help you." Michelle spoke, softly, resisting the urge to wrap the fragile woman up in her arms, though they were aching to hold her close.

"Who are you?"

Michelle felt her heart shatter at these three words. But she was determined to make Carla remember. Pulling her handbag open, she rummaged through the contents and pulled out a slightly crumpled photo. She'd taken to carrying it around with her when Carla had taken off, and she'd often take it out to look at, praying that she'd one day be reunited with one of the people she loved most in the world. It was from years ago, her and Carla and some amateur, local rock festival. Carla's hair was a little longer and she was wearing torn, faded denim shorts and an oversized, off the shoulder t-shirt, which was knotted just above her stomach. She looked no older than early twenties and she had her arm around a younger Michelle, who looked slightly worse for wear, her eyes out of focused, due to her drunken state. They looked so happy, not a care in the world.

"I'm your best friend."


	3. Chapter 3

_I feel…What? A sense of belonging, yet I have no idea where I am. These four walls that surround me give off an aura that makes me feel as though I am home, but I have no recollection of ever having a home. For the past year, Frank has been my home. He's been feeding my memory and now, I wonder, whether he has been poisoning my mind with ideas of this perfect little life him and I supposedly had together. And then there's her. Michelle. I can see the pain behind her eyes when I stare at her blankly, willing myself to remember, yet all that fills my mind is that night I saw her sing. It makes me feel so guilty, that I am the cause of her pain. My mind is an abandoned, empty street. I can't see into any windows, for they have all been boarded up. The garden's are knotted and weedy and all the fences are broken, so they just all merge together, this complicated tangle of mess, my complicated tangle of feelings, and I can't separate them to link them to any specific memory, I can't separate these garden's to belonging to anyone, because I can't tell where one ends and another begins. Sometimes I feel as though I'm inhuman. Maybe I never had a life. Maybe I was created. Some mad scientist's horrific experiment. Or maybe I have died, but I'm still earthbound. I try not to go out, because I can't stand the sympathetic, somewhat edgy smiles that people give me, because it seems they know more about me and my life than I do. And do they know? Do they really know about me? What if they're just making it up? And then there's the other possibility, that I really am some trauma victim that they're all so sorry for. What would be better? To live in this frustrating bliss, or find out such horrors that would make me feel worthy of such anguished sympathy?_

"Here, darling…" Carla felt a warm mug being pressed into her hands and she absentmindedly takes a sip. Of course, Michelle would know how she took her coffee. They're best friends.

"Michelle, what happened to me?" Carla asked the question, quickly, before she had time to talk herself out of it.

"You had a car acci-"

"I know all that, I know about that car crash. I know that I had this big, successful, factory and I sold it and me and Frank were supposed to drive off into the sunset. But if it's such a big, fairytale, then why can't I remember? Why do I feel as though you're treating me as if I'm made out of butterfly wings?"

"Because…" Michelle trailed off, reluctant to inform Carla of the torment she was believed to have suffered. "Because on the night of the crash, when you were taken to hospital…The Doctor told me that you had signs of…Of…Carla, this isn't easy to say…"

"Just tell me straight. It's not as if I'm going to be able to remember, is it? Maybe if you tell me, I'll be able to remember something. Don't I have a right to know?"

"You were attacked…Before the crash. I think that's why the crash happened. You could have been trying to get away." Michelle's hands twisted in her lap, her eyes searching Carla's for some kind of reaction.

"Attacked…How? How do you know?"

"You had bruises…On your wrists…On your shoulders…Thigh."

Carla pressed her lips together, frowning. Surely something like that, she would remember? "So…So I was raped? Allegedly…"

"I'm sorry…" Michelle whispered, unable to stop her eyes filling with tears. In a way, it was a blessing that Carla couldn't remember such horrific details. But, maybe it was better she did remember? Obviously the attacker was still out there, having gotten away with it.

"Is there absolutely nothing you remember? Not one minute detail that might help trigger-"

"Michelle, I don't remember anything. I don't even know who I am! How can I remember the events of a life that I feel as though I haven't lived?"

Letting out a pained sigh, Michelle grasped Carla's hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze. Carla returned the squeeze, allowing her eyes to meet the concerned, hazel pools before her. They reminded her of autumn. When the leaves were turning from green to brown, and it was just starting to get colder. She's glad to be able to associate Michelle with something, even if it is just a season. Autumn was beautiful. And for some unknown reason, she imagines a warm house, with a cheery, friendly atmosphere and the rich smell of home cooking. Maybe there's a man and a woman in the house and though she knows that the house isn't hers, it could feel like home, somewhere she was accepted. Reaching out, she brings her hand up and strokes her fingertips down Michelle's cheek, along the bridge of her nose, her index finger tracing along the outline of her lips.

Michelle remained perfectly still, her eyes locked with Carla's as she willed her to remember. _Come on, Carla…Remember me…_Remember_ me…_

Carla's eyes sparkled with tears of despair. She was trying. She really was trying. There was something so familiar about this woman. She was more than 'The singer'. Carla truly believed that they had been best friends. And she wanted that back. She wanted to feel the memories, the past they'd shared. She needed to unlock that sealed box in the back of her mind that held back so many horrors, yet so much happiness. She was so sure Michelle was the key, but that box wasn't ready to be unlocked.

"It's okay.." Michelle whispered, wiping the tears from Carla's cheeks. She hadn't even realised she'd let any fall. "I know you're trying, I know it's going to come back to you."

"I don't think I can stand this," Carla sniffed, helplessly leaning into the arms of her younger friend. "I know that I know you…I know that I love you. I just don't know why…How can I know you're so important to me but not know why?"

"Hey, come on…It's a start, it's more than a start. This is…Amazing. You're doing really well, baby. But, you can't torment yourself into remembering, it might just push you further back. I'm going to help you, Carla. But right now, you're going to get some sleep." Michelle wrapped her arms tightly around her confused, best friend, running her hands through her long, dark hair, letting it slide between her fingers.

"I've really missed you…" Michelle whispered, watching as Carla allowed her eyes to flutter shut, seemingly content in her curled up position.

"I wish I could say it back…I guess I've missed having someone like you around. You're…sort of familiar. I feel completely comfortable with you. Moreso than I have with anyone this past year or so that I can remember." Carla's voice was slurred with sleep. She'd barely slept the night before, her mind had been throwing her questions that she was unable to answer. But now, now she knew that there was someone who could finally give her some, she could relax. She'd had enough for one night, her head had started to ache and as much as she wanted to know everything that Michelle had to tell her, she needed to hear it with a straight head.

She was on the very brink of sleep, soothed by the warm comfort of her companion's arms. In her subconscious mind, the part that you seem to have no control over, the part that allows you to dream, the part of her mind that seemed distant…Locked, she whispered quietly.

"Night, _'Chelle…"_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/n – Sorry it's been a while since I've updated…There's a few skips in this chapter because I wanted to fit quite a bit in, but wanted to get to the main points too. I'm trying to move it along quickly so I can get to the good bits but still have it develop slowly, if that makes sense. So chapters might be made up of lots of little moments throughout the days. _

"How did you sleep?" Michelle asked a tired looking Carla the next morning, though she suspected she already knew the answer. Even after her older friend had climbed into bed beside her, unable to settle on her own in the spare room, Carla still hadn't slept particularly great. She had shuffled around a lot, become restless, tangled up in the duvet, occasional little whimpers escaping her lips.

It didn't surprise Michelle, though, who couldn't even imagine the turmoil Carla had been thrown into. How could she settle down to sleep with the amount of questions whirring around her mind? Michelle had done her best to soothe her, stroking her hair, murmuring softly to her and eventually Carla had started to settle. Sort of.

Carla had no idea why she'd crawled into Michelle's bed that night. She needed some form of comfort, she felt so isolated from everything, even herself. But a stranger? Michelle didn't really feel like a stranger, though. She couldn't remember her, but she'd missed a presence of her type. She vaguely remembers a dream, laughter and loud music, sat on a blanket on the grass, Michelle's shoulder touching hers as they drunkenly sang along to some song. But she couldn't be sure whether it was a memory, or something had her mind had conjured up from the photo Michelle had shown her. But there was another dream, a very vivid one. A struggle to breathe, her lungs filled with the heavy, black smoke which filled the air, making it difficult for her to see. She can hear the crackling of the flames, see the harsh, hot flickering even through her closed lids.

"I had a dream…" Carla murmured, her hands hugging the coffee mug Michelle had pressed into her hands.

"What about?"

"It felt like I was suffocating. I was somewhere, but there was fire and I couldn't breathe…Someone was holding me down, I was just laid there, I couldn't move…What?"

Carla had noticed Michelle's face fall, her eyes saddened. It was so cruel that the only thing she could remember was perhaps one of the worst things that had happened to her. Although, when Michelle thought back, Carla hadn't really had much of the good stuff. She seemed to go from one disaster to another.

"Your ex…"

"Paul?"

"No, Tony…You remember Paul?"

"Sort of. Frank told me about him…He said I'd been married to him, until he'd died, in a car crash." Carla shuddered, knowing she'd very nearly had the same fate. That thought was a little scary.

"Yeah, he did…" Michelle whispered, pressing her lips together as she thought about her older brother. She missed him every day, even more when she was having a particularly bad day.

"Did you know him?" Carla asked, frowning slightly as she caught sight of Michelle's expression.

"He was my brother…"

Of course he was, how could she not have seen that? Her eyes, they were exactly the same shade as his had been. They were so warm, kind and they gave Carla an odd feeling, as though she didn't deserve the welcome she had received.

"Tony was after Paul…He…Do you, um, remember Liam?"

'Liam', Carla mouthed the name on her lips, her features once more furrowed in the confused expression Michelle had only seen disappear when she had first started to drift off to sleep.

"There…" Michelle pointed to a line of photo's on the windowsill. "The blue shirt…"

Carla closed her eyes, allowing her mind to go blank. She pictured the man in the blue shirt, with dark tousled hair and light eyes. "Liam.." She murmured, trying her best to remember something, anything. He was smiling in the photo, and she imagined his laugh to be hearty, but boy-ish and infectious. Then she jumped, a slight gasp leaving her lips as she recalls a hand, rough skinned but gentle, stroking down her cheek, the faint smell of smoke, only from a different source, maybe. Like a cigarette. Her heart thudded painfully against her chest, an overwhelming sadness weighting her body.

"Carla?"

She hadn't even realised a tear had slipped down her cheek.

"Did I love him? Liam…"

Michelle gave a small nod, a gentle smile forming across her lips. "Yeah, you loved him a lot…"

"Who was he? Where is he?"

"Our brother, mine and Paul's brother. He's not here anymore, Carla…"

Carla pressed her lips together, her stomach knotting with dread as Michelle's expression became pained once more.

"He's not…As well? How? Was he in the car with Paul?"

"No, darling…" Michelle took a deep breath, knowing she now had no choice but to delve into the one part of Carla's past which had wrecked them all. "I don't think you're going to like this."

Michelle knew it would be bad. She'd struggled herself to drag up everything she had tried so many times to leave behind. Carla was in a state, she'd edged further away from Michelle, tucked her knees up under her chin, her arms wrapped securely around her now trembling form.

"Carla.."

"Don't touch me!" She had recoiled violently from Michelle's outstretched hand, as she'd attempted to comfort her. "How can you bear to even look at me, Michelle?"

"Carla, it's o-"

"No it's not okay!" She cried, tears streaming down her pale cheeks as she attempted to swallow her sobs. "It was my fault…You should hate me. You shouldn't have invited me back here. Who am I, Michelle? What sort of disgusting parasite-"

"Stop." Michelle had shuffled over, her gentle hands placed either side of Carla's face as she wiped her tears away with tender strokes of her thumbs. "Listen to me, Carla, it's all okay now. It was a long time ago, and it's all in the past now. When you remember everything again, you'll understand that we've left all that behind us."

"Why would let me back into your life…?"

"Because, darling, it wasn't your fault that Tony did what he did. No one asked him to. And I understand that you were scared, when you found out. After what he did to you at the factory, I got why you'd want to get away from him, sweetheart. Besides, you're family and I love you. I forgave my brothers for much worse."

Carla swallowed hard, trying to digest everything Michelle had just told her. Her body was still juddering, and the sick, knotted feeling in the pit of her stomach made her wonder whether she'd actually throw up or not.

"Stay here a second.." Michelle smiled, leaning in to touch a swift kiss to her forehead, before clamouring from the sofa and shifting over to her bedroom. Sifting through one of her drawers, she pulled out a heavy, hardback book, which was coated in faded, dusty leather.

"What's that?" Carla asked, having calmed down somewhat under Michelle's reassurance.

"The photo album. I thought we could look through it…I'll explain things to you, if you can't remember them…" She sat back down on the sofa and curled her legs underneath her, resting the large book against her knees, holding her other arm out to Carla. "Come here..."

Without hesitation, Carla shuffled across the sofa, allowing herself to be tucked up under Michelle's comforting arm, soothed by her warm, sweet scent.

She was saddened when she found that ,as they flicked through the album, nothing seemed to click in her head. However, she couldn't deny that she was enjoying learning once more about her life. Especially the way Michelle told it. Her animated voice, retelling some of their best memories, the way her eyes shone and lit up as she recalled holidays and Christmas', the way Liam had nearly set the kitchen alight when offering to help to cook, and how Paul had almost broken his tooth on a lucky charm hidden in his meal. There wasn't one wasted photo, every single print had its purpose, its own story.

"Oh, and this one was when we were at that gig I told you about, and you went absolutely mental because you'd snapped a heel, you made Paul carry you home on his shoul-…What?"

"You…" Carla whispered, reaching up to tuck a strand of Michelle silky hair behind her ear. She had been gazing up at the younger woman with a stupidly wide grin on her face. "The way you are…I know exactly why I'd have wanted a best friend like you."

"I wish you could remember me being your best friend. I wish you could remember everything we'd been through and then you'd understand exactly how much I've missed you, Carla…When you went…It felt like you'd taken part of me with you, like I was missing a part of me as well as missing you." Michelle couldn't help her eyes filling up as she recalled when she'd first believed that Carla had run away, when she'd wondered whether it had been something she'd done.

"Hey…" Carla shifted slightly, moving her arms up to wrap around her younger friend, the tips of her fingers lightly stroking the back of her neck. "Don't get upset, Michelle…Let me tell you something." She murmured, one of her hands moving around to tilt her chin. "Even though I can't really remember us being best friends, it's like…I don't need those memories to understand that we are. I already feel like I've known you forever, and that's barely from two days. Y'know, when I heard you singing, when I saw you…It felt like I knew you, and I felt upset. Even if my memory was wiped clean every night, I think that within an hour of 'meeting' you, I'd want you to be a big part of my life." It was Carla's turn to brush the tears away this time, and Michelle's tears caused her more pain than her own ever had.

"There's a film like that…" Michelle sniffed, wanting to distract herself from feeling upset. She wanted to be happy. Carla was here and she was safe, she just needed to remember.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it's this woman who was in an accident, and her memory is wiped clean every night…So this guy that she's with has to try and make her fall in love with him every day. And he does…"

"Have you got the film?" Carla asked, her hand now playing with the bottom of Michelle's hair, twirling short strands around her fingers.

"Yeah…Do you want to watch it?"

"Mhmm. But, only if you're staying to watch it with me." She had a theory that if she could actually relax and take her mind off of trying to remember, maybe it would all just come flooding back to her.

Now smiling, Michelle gave a small nod, starting to wiggle her way out of Carla's comforting hold.

"I'll go and get it, it's in my room."

"Perfect, let's go and watch it there." Carla jumped up from the sofa, slipping her hand into Michelle's. "We can curl up in bed like one of the many girly sleepovers I'm sure we'll have had."

"I don't actually think we've had that many.." Michelle frowned, lacing her fingers through Carla's as she started to make her way towards her room once more.

"Well, now's our chance. Come on." Carla took charge, giving Michelle a firm little tug towards the room. Michelle bit back a little grin. Carla was always going to be Carla. She was always going to be that little bit more dominating, powerful, bossy…Everything that made her Michelle's best friend.

"We can make some new memories while I'm still waiting for the old ones to load."


	5. Chapter 5

"So it was happily ever after ,then.." Carla yawned, sleepy after watching the film. If anything, it had made her even more fed up. What if her memory never returned?

"Well yeah but…She still loses her memory every night. You're just suppressing past events. It's a survival thing, isn't it? I'm sure things will come back to you, Carla." Michelle pressed a reassuring kiss on top of her head, her fingertips lightly stroking the top of her arm.

"Mm…Yeah, you're right. It's just so horrible not being able to remember. I don't like feeling sorry for myself, I just…I want my life back." Carla nuzzled into Michelle's shoulder, where she had been positioned for the past hour and a half. She was relishing the comfort Michelle provided, knowing that in Michelle there was a huge chunk of her past. She felt safe and loved in a way that wasn't suffocating. More to the point, she wanted to be close to Michelle. With Frank, something about his presence had always made her feel uneasy, the way he tried too hard to adore her, making it seem artificial.

''The song at the end of this film is gorgeous." Michelle tried to take Carla's mind away from her troubles, worried that she'd send herself backwards if she tried too hard to figure out the missing pieces.

"Yeah…But so is your voice. I reckon you could sing this song and make it just as beautiful."

"Steady on…I mean, I can hold a tune but I'm not exactly-"

"Sing it to me."

"You're risking your ears, darling…"

"No I'm not…I know your voice is beautiful. Please?"

"Come here…" Michelle gentle tugged her friend closer to her chest, so they were cuddled closer, her lips just by her ear. Carla's own arms went around her younger friend's waist as she returned the hug.

Michelle's voice was like a feather, the light notes tickling her ear, causing her eyes to flutter shut. The further into the song Michelle got, the more Carla melted into her, allowing herself to fully relax against the firm warmth of her friends' chest. Every so often, her lips would become close enough to brush against her skin and when this happened Micelle would slow her notes so she could press tender kisses to Carla's temple.

She could feel her eyelids growing heavy, though she tried to fight against it. She'd struggled to sleep for days, and it was only when Michelle was soothing her that she could allow herself to start to shut down…

"NO! Stop! Please…Stop." Carla was sobbing, shaking, the sheet she was wrapped up in soaked with the sweat that was coating her pale skin.

"Carla? What's wrong? Wake up, darling…" Michelle had run into the room panicked, to find Carla trapped in some horrific nightmare. She'd assumed that it was Tony again, but as she shook Carla's shoulder, she screamed out and jerked away from her, succeeding in jerking herself awake.

"It's alright, it was a dream, darling…You're safe." Kneeling down beside her, Michelle pushed her damp hair away from her sticky forehead, rubbing her thumb down her friend's burning cheek. "Shh…"

Carla was breathing heavily, her wide eyes still fearful. "Michelle…I…" Carla was overcome with a wracking sob, which made her incapable of continuing her sentence.

"Alright, baby..Come on, shh…" Michelle soothed, perching herself beside a sobbing Carla, wrapping an arm around her trembling shoulders. "It's okay, I'm here…"

"I was attacked, Michelle…" Her voice was such a tiny whisper that it took Michelle longer to register what she had said.

"What? Carla, can you remember who-?"

"No. No I don't remember who…I Just remember what they did." Her face was pale, almost grey, and despite the fact her skin had been burning before, she was now shivering. "I couldn't really see anything…It was black…But someone had hold of my wrists, it was hurting…" Her hand moved to her wrist, as though she could almost feel the pain as she spoke. The pain. That's the most vivid part of the dream. There was so much pain, her body was screaming, protesting, every part of her aching. She was almost expecting to see bruises appearing over her arms. "I couldn't get away…I was trying I…"

"Come here…'' Michelle shuffled closer to her friend, giving her a gentle pull so that she was half laid across her chest. "You're safe, now, no one's going to hurt you."

She continued to soothe Carla, her fingertips stroking over her damp, flushed skin, combing through the gentle waves of hair.

"Why don't I go and run you a bath, ey? It might make you feel a bit more comfortable…"

"Yeah, that'd be perfect. Thankyou…" Carla gave her a grateful little smile, though Michelle could see how much the dream had affected her.

Carla felt even more unsettled when Michelle had untangled herself from her friend and disappeared into the bathroom. She glanced nervously around the room, hating herself for being so ridiculous. No one was in the flat apart from herself and Michelle, she knew that.

"It's ready…" Michelle's voice came softly from the doorway, causing Carla's head to snap up. "Go on through, I'm going to make you a drink…"

As though in a trance, Carla got up from the bed and wandered into the bathroom, wishing she didn't feel so lost. But she didn't feel alone, and Michelle's constant presence was the only thing keeping her strong, which is why she felt so unnerved when she wasn't around.

Michelle tapped on the bathroom door, a steaming mug in her hands.

"You can come in…" Carla's voice sounded hoarse. When Michelle opened the door, she found Carla hunched up in the bath, her knees pressed against her chest. Michelle placed the mug at the far end of the bath, before kneeling down, peering worriedly at Carla's face.

"Darling, are you sure you're-"

"I'm alright, 'Chelle…Really…"

Michelle knew better, but she also knew better than to argue. Instead, she picked up the bath sponge that was floating beside Carla, brought it to the nape of her neck and squeezed, so that the warm water cascaded down her back, which had been covered in goose bumps. She repeated the action, squeezing the water over Carla's shoulders, which instantly relived the tension that had been built up, and allowed her friend to relax. Letting her chin rest on her knees, Carla let out a soft sigh and let Michelle continue , leaning into her slightly when she moved closer to touch a soft kiss to her cheek.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Carla shook her head, her eyes sparkling with tears once more. She was confused and dizzy and constant whirring of thoughts around her head was causing a physical ache. And she was exhausted. She hadn't slept properly in nights, aside from grabbing an hour or so, here and there, when Michelle had taken her into her arms and soothed her to sleep.

She was soothing her now. Her gentle fingertips had moved to her hair, working their way through, massaging the aching and the whirring away. A light, sweet fragrance filled the air as Michelle continued to work her hands, a familiar scent that she'd caught on Michelle herself, the many times she'd been buried into her neck or nuzzled in her glossy hair.

If it had been anyone else, Carla might have snapped, or pulled away. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself…Well, maybe not so much now. But she could still manage to wash her own hair. She wasn't a total invalid. But she couldn't tell Michelle to stop, because she didn't feel patronised, or pitied. She felt loved, wanted and, for the first time in a long time, comfortable.

"Your hair's grown loads..." Michelle commented, twisting the ends around her fingertips after she'd rinsed out the suds.

"I don't think I've done much with it since…I don't know. A long time, I'm guessing. Is it scraggy?"

"No, it's beautiful like you."

Carla let out a little laugh, turning to face Michelle with an amused smile spread across her lips. "Thank you for lying, baby."

"Ey, I'm not!" Michelle insisted, giving her hair a tiny little tug. "I meant it." She dropped a quick kiss to her damp shoulder, and Carla turned her head, lightly touching it to her friends, her eyes fluttering shut. They didn't speak, though Carla's brow was furrowed, as though she was trying not to start crying again. She didn't know how she'd have coped if it wasn't for Michelle, she felt she owed her so much. If it wasn't for her, she'd still be living in uneasy ignorance. The man who had supposedly loved her had lied to her, and as fearful as she was of remembering more, she knew that as long as she had Michelle, she'd be able to get through it. She opened her mouth to speak, wondering how to even begin finding the words to tell her how grateful she was. It seemed that Michelle could read her mind.

"Shh.." She brought her finger up to Carla's parted lips, preventing her from speaking. "You don't need to thank me…You're more than welcome.'' Another quick kiss, this time to her forehead, before she stood up, smoothing the towels that she'd hung over the radiator. "I'm going to make you something to eat…And you're not going to refuse it, okay?" Michelle was starting to worry about the lack of food and sleep Carla was getting, and the effect that the two combined would have on her.

Carla didn't answer, but touched her fingertips to her forehead, saluting her friend to show she'd understood her words, a grateful smile gracing her lips.

Shooting her an affectionate one in return, Michelle turned and slipped out of the bathroom, giving Carla a little wave before she disappeared.

It was at least half a minute after she'd left that Carla realised she was still staring at the door. And she was still smiling.


End file.
